Tuesday, December 27, 2011
So I decided to figure out why I come off as "coping". I examined everything I do, and I realized that one thing that helps me work through things the most is (duh) my writing. I am a writer. I express myself best in the written word. I get my negative feelings out, and then I feel better to face the world.
I don't journal, but when I'm feeling particularly strong about something I will write it down. And then, I'm always writing other things (articles or stories, etc.). Writing is my coping mechanism!
I think everyone needs a healthy way to cope, because while we don't all have kids with cancer, we do all have stress (especially during the holiday season!). For some it's crafts, or exercise, or singing, or dance, or reading. What's your coping mechanism? If you don't have one, you should find one. After all, if it works for me, it can work for you, too!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
This month's charity highlight is a really cool project, and one that brings smiles to young kids with cancer everywhere.
WHO ARE THEY? www.monkeyinmychair.org They are a beneficial program dedicated to helping kids with cancer feel connected to their classmates and friends, even when they're away.
HOW THEY STARTED: There's a Monkey in my Chair was originally started by a little girl named Chloe, and her mother. Chloe had to spend lots of time away from school for cancer treatment. From the Our Hero website: Chloe was fun-loving, free spirited girly girl. She loved dancing, singing, everything pink and everything monkeys! Chloe is the inspiration behind the program, There's a Monkey in my Chair, which helps children battling cancer with their absence from the classroom.
HOW YOU CAN HELP: Go to their website to donate today. You can sponsor a "kit" which will be sent to a deserving child. You will brighten their day! How cool is that?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
I get unwanted advice as the parent of a child who has cancer, too. Well-meaning people tell me how to better treat Emma's cancer; all-natural diets, cut out dairy, think positive (that one is particularly amusing), get more exercise. The list goes on.
I haven't ever (okay, not often anyway) gotten upset over the unwanted advice. I usually just smile and nod, saying something like "that does sound like good advice", because really, when is 'get more exercise' not good advice?
So today's life lesson is to laugh off well-meaning but annoying people. That wasn't a very nice thing to say, was it? However, I figured this was something that everyone goes through; we don't have to get angry or bitter at those people who are trying (albeit unsuccessfully) to help us with our lives. They do mean well. So laugh it off with me, and maybe, just maybe, give some thought to what they say. You never know...they might have a point.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Today I dislike these commercials because I don’t like being on the receiving end of those “gifts” that St. Jude is asking for. I would much rather be the one doing the giving. Have you heard the Bible verse, “It is more blessed to give than to receive”? Well, I can attest that it is true. And yet, how can I not be thankful for the gifts? The people supporting St. Jude saved my daughter’s life.
So all of that is a round-about way of saying I’m thankful for St. Jude, even their tear jerking commercials, and especially their wonderful, fabulous, kind-hearted, caring, loving donors. If you have ever donated to St. Jude, I am personally telling you thank you today.
4. The rest of my family!
5. Pumpkin Pie. Yum.
6. Books. I could crawl up in a hole and read for the rest of forever.
This post turned out much longer than I intended! Thanks for reading, and have a Happy Thanksgiving!
P.S. The family I mentioned above is still fighting a raging battle. Please visit their website, and pray for them www.prayfornoah.com
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Shortly after this I was taking a class for work on germs/illnesses/cleanliness. A statement was made that statistics showed that children who attended daycare had a much better chance at never getting cancer because they had built up such a strong immune system.
Whew! I felt this huge relief! After the pain my husband's family was going through, here was this tiny sliver of assurance that this wouldn't happen to me, because I worked at a daycare, and my daughter had come with me everyday since she was 9 weeks old.
Statistics? I laugh in the face of statistics! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Okay, as sad as that all is, the experience taught me a vital lesson. You can't put your hope and trust in anything or anyone other than God. Psalm 121:1&2 says "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth."
So what are you putting your hope in? Do you take peace from reassuring statistics? Do you hold on tight and hope things go your way?
I've learned that even in the face of pediatric cancer things can go well. Do I like cancer? No. Would I give it back in a heartbeat? You betcha! But I have felt God's hand on us so often, and I have a peace now that I never knew before--a peace that tells me everything will be okay, no matter what happens.
I wish for you all to find that peace (though maybe not in the same way I found mine!). And in case it isn't clear, I mean a peace in God.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
WHO: Ronald McDonald House
MISSION: The mission of Ronald McDonald House Charities (RMHC) is to create, find and support programs that directly improve the health and well being of children. Guiding us in our mission are our core values:
- Focusing on the critical needs of children.
- Celebrating the diversity of the programs we offer and the staff, volunteers and donors who make them possible.
- Staying true to our heritage of more than 36 years of responsible stewardship.
- Operating with accountability and transparency.
THEIR STORY: The first Ronald McDonald House opened in Philadelphia thanks to Dr. Audrey Evans, Philadelphia Eagles’ player Fred Hill (whose daughter, Kim, had leukemia), Leonard Tose, owner of the Eagles, Jim Murray, the Eagles’ general manager and Ed Rensi, the McDonald’s regional manager.
The McDonald’s owner/operators in Philadelphia made the House possible, donating proceeds from the sale of Shamrock Shakes.
HOW TO DONATE: You can always drop a few bucks (or coins, it all helps) into the little boxes at McDonalds. You can also donate by visiting here. But it gets better than that! Each individual House has their own website, so if you want to donate to a specific location you can do that, too! Our favorite is, of course, the RMH of Memphis, but you can search the home website for your local chapter. There are other ways to help as well. You can collect pop can tabs, which they will recycle and the proceeds go to RMHC. You can also volunteer at one of the houses, or donate supplies (each house has a "wish list").
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Watching the video and reading her story made me cry. I really can't help it. The day of the interview we spent the morning at the Memphis Zoo with the camera crew. It was such fun!
I am so proud to be a part of the St. Jude family, and as I say in the video I don't believe Emma would be alive today if she had been sent to another hospital. NO ONE else would have been able to get her diagnosed and on chemo in less than 24 hours, which was vital to her survival. It is because of my thankfulness to St. Jude that I was thrilled to help their cause in participating in the patient of the month interview.
Because of the huge debt of gratitude that our family owes St. Jude, I am proud to support them in other ways as well. That is why we are participating in the national Give Thanks. Walk. This walk will be held across the nation on November 19th. We are taking donations to support our walk this year, and I hope you will donate to this very worthy cause. You can see our fundraising page at http://www.mygivethankswalk.org/emmaclark
I am so proud of my little girl, and I can't help but ramble a little today about it. Thanks for bumbling along with me!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
By: Katie Clark, for Emma Clark
In Honor of Dr. Scott Howard
A yucky little monster went floating through the air
I swallowed him by accident, quite unaware.
I didn’t see him in there, he’s a sneaky little guy,
Hiding every time I laughed and every time I cried.
Then that yucky little monster went and did what he does best.
He grew and grew and grew, getting bigger in my chest.
He made me really sick, he took away my fun,
But I will have the last laugh when the day is done!
You see, I met a superhero who knows just what to do.
Fighting little monsters is his favorite thing to do.
So we will fight the monster, and one day we will win.
Good bye little monster. Don’t come back again!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I thought I had time with Emma. I haven't said this too often, but before Emma was diagnosed, I KNEW something was wrong with her. Even when her doctor said it wasn't anything serious, I mean it when I say I literally KNEW that it was. I just figured I had time, I would bring her back again and again until we got our answers.
But I didn't have time. Cancer wasn't waiting for me to get my ducks in a row. Her tumor didn't slow its growth until I was ready to deal with it.
I learned my lesson there, so today when we get the opportunity to do something fun with our kids, we take it. When we get the opportunity to serve, we do it. That opportunity might not be there tomorrow, or truthfully, we might not be here tomorrow to take it.
I don't want any regrets...at least not where time is concerned.
What about you? Has something happened in your life to show you that time is one of your greatest assets?
Too Slow for those who Wait,
Too Swift for those who Fear,
Too Long for those who Grieve,
Too Short for those who Rejoice;
But for those who Love,
Time is not.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Each day began at 8am with breakfast, then moved on to "Morning Watch", a daily devotion time. After that, the kids split up into groups and the parents had a type of group therapy. We were actually kind of leery of this part. We didn't want to sit with a group of strangers and talk about our feelings. Guess what? That turned out to be our favorite part! Being with these brave and strong parents, who were fighting the same montsters as us, helped us so much. It was enlightening, and we found new strength and wisdom.
My favorite thing that was said was from one of the dads. He said that we are the lucky ones. Most parents, he said, have to teach their kids about their math homework, or their spelling homework, and they complain about that.
We get to teach our kids about LIVING! We are showing them how to fight, how to be strong, how to cope and move on, how to be happy in spite of the bad. We are the lucky ones. I loved this!
Another parent said that she feels like her life is too big. I definitely feel like that sometimes, too. How can I handle all of these big things? But knowing that I am not alone in this helps more than I can say.
After this we had lunch each day, and then free time (which we spent at the beach!). In the evening we had supper, and then some type of group activity. On the last night there was a talent show. Emma and Ashlyn were sooooo cute!
Overall the trip was a success, and we definitely plan on attending next year. Thank you for sharing it with us!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Who: Lighthouse Family Retreats
Mission: to serve families living through childhood cancer by helping them to laugh, restore family relationships and find hope in God.
What They Do: Lighthouse Family Retreat hosts beach retreats for families affected by childhood cancer. They endeavor to provide some momentary normalcy in the midst of the chaos. Kids just being kids: playing in the sand; laughing in the sun; and enjoy a vacation as if maybe for just a week cancer has all but disappeared.
Refer A Family: Know a family facing pediatric cancer? Part of a family facing pediatric cancer? You can apply for a retreat here .
Donate: All of the retreats are run by volunteers, and on donated money. If you would like to help further Lighthouse's mission, you can learn more about volunteering or donating here .
We will be back next week...hopefully with pictures!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
The rules of accepting these blog awards are simple:
I'd like to thank Claudine, of Carry Us Off Books. If you have small children (or if you just love books for small children, 'cause I do) you must check out her site!
Seven random facts? Hmm...
1. I love Spaghettios with meat balls. Gross, I know.
2. It takes a lot, lot, LOT to make me upset. So if you ever see me upset (and this could mean mad, sad, grumpy, or irritated), you know that something, somewhere, went terribly wrong!
3. I'm a little addicted to the internet. Not a lot...but a little.
4. I am the middle child of 5. Do I have the middle child syndrome? You tell me!
5. I don't like sappy romance. Give me some adventure, or action, or ANYTHING other than sappy romance.
6. I love being a part of the St. Jude family (not that I'd chose to be a part of any hospital family, I'm just saying). Some people ask me/tell me about how daunting going to Memphis is. I don't feel that it's daunting at all. I love St. Jude. (now, it was a bit daunting when we had to go every 2 weeks, I admit!)
7. Last but not least...I prefer going to bed really early and getting up really early. I could NEVER sleep until 10 or 11 o'clock, let alone noon!
So now to pass these awards on...
Stories For Children Blog by Alice
Grumpy Grovers by Theresa Grump
Poetic Bloomings by Marie and Walt
Haas Blaag by David Haas
Miranda Paul Books by Miranda Paul
So there they are, my first ever blog awards. It's all in fun, and doesn't everyone need a little fun now and then? I hope to be enjoying a lot of fun soon, as we travel to the beach for a cancer family retreat with Lighthouse Family Retreats (more on that next week!).
Thanks for visiting!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
However, I don't always feel this way. Sometimes I feel like I HAVE fully accepted this new life. Sometimes I feel okay with it, but sometimes I feel sad, or angry. And then there are the times of denial, like right now.
If there is something I have come to realize about the emotions this journey evokes, it is that we don't EVER master our emotions. Just as I think I finally have the anger licked, it rears its ugly head. Just as I think I am okay with it all, I get all depressed.
I have noticed a few things, too, about the TIMING of these emotions. 1. If I am really busy, the bad emotions come more easily. 2. If I slack off on my devotion time each morning, the bad emotions come more easily. So I have made a determination to keep a bit more organized, so that I don't get overwhelmed with a busy life, or let my quiet time slack off. Writing helps, too. I can express my feelings oh so much better in writing than if I were to talk to each of you face to face.
I think it is probably this way for everyone--not just cancer families. Life is a roller coaster ride--with fun parts and scary parts. So when your own ride takes a scary dip, how do you deal with it?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
During the last year and three months I have had a growing desire to do more, give more, be more. This desire grew drastically when we went to Disney World. We stayed at the Give Kids The World Village, which is run almost entirely by volunteers. Not only that, but the entire Village was literally built with donated money. Not one loan was taken out to build it where the money wasn't already promised to pay the loan off.
I learned that there are around 1500 volunteers a week at the Village. We saw small children with their parents volulnteering. We saw retirees. We saw teenagers. We saw entire staffs from corporations working for free to maintain the village.
My whole life I have worked on ministries through my church, but it is usually (I admit) with a tiny huff that I have to go give up a few hours of MY time. I am commiting here and now: I don't want to be this way anymore!
I have now been at the receiving end of the help these loving folks offer, be it on vacation or at the hospital when someone pops in late at night to ask if I'd like coffee or hot chocolate. I realize just how much it means when someone cares about me when I am hurting. When I am going through a tough time. When I NEED. Through receiving, I have realized just how blessed it is to be able to be the one doing the giving.
So I want to do my work through the church a little more enthusiastically now. And not only that, I want to increase my volunteer work. Perhaps not much right now, since there are weeks when I am confined to my house, but a little at a time. I also want to teach my kids the spirit of volunteering. I told Emma the story of the man who created Give Kids The World (I bought his autobiography Gift Of Life, and it is amazing). She was enthralled! She said, "Hey Mom? Do you think I can do something like that one day? I want to help other kids who are afraid." My heart melted. I promised her that she could do that, and I would help her.
In light of this, I have made a list of areas that I (and you) could offer a little help to those who need it.
1. Church work. So often I see (and yes, I'm going to say it) church members who begrudginly do their ministries at the church. I have been one of them. But there are classrooms that could be cleaned, kids that could be taught, supplies that could be purchased. Volunteer to be the person who fills these needs.
2. Hospital work. There are volunteers at the hospitals who bring around hospital toys to the kids so they won't be bored in their rooms. They offer magazines or books to the parents. Some do play groups with the kids. You could also donate supplies. Playdough, DVD's, books, crayons and coloring books. Really, the list goes on. When Emma stayed in the Huntsville Hospital a few weeks ago the movie selection was seriously lacking ; )
3. Donations. This could be money or supplies, to any orginization you feel worthy. Church, a charity, the hospital, or your local soup kitchen or clothes closet. Whether you can offer $5 or $1000, trust me you gift will be appreciated! Never think that what you have to offer is too little. It isn't. Obviously, my favorite charities from now til forever will be St. Jude, and now Give Kids The World (can you tell I liked it there?). But maybe you have a heart for the March of Dimes, or something else. And of course, your local church is a must. See what you can do--AND DO IT!
This is a small list, and there are many more areas where help is needed. You could drive people to their doctors appointments if they don't have cars. You could take a meal to a grieving family. You could volunteer at a homeless shelter. Pick up people and bring them to church (you might be surprised at how many people would come to church if they only had a ride). My charity doesn't have to be your charity. Find something that YOU can do.
I have been reminded time and again lately that we weren't put here to "eat, drink, and be merry". I don't want to live so selfishly anymore that I won't give up any of my time or money because I need it for ME. Will you join me?
Monday, September 5, 2011
Fitness is increasingly viewed by the world's top oncologists as an effective and complementary form of treatment and recovery. As treatment facilities catch on to the power of fitness therapy, there is a growing need for licensed trainers specializing in developing fitness routines for cancer patients in every stage of treatment and recovery. For now, it may be best to find a personal trainer willing to do the research and consult with the treating physician in developing a routine. The extra effort is definitely worth it.
How will Fitness Training be Helpful for Children with Cancer?
There are several risk factors that help predict who has a greater chance of receiving a diagnosis of cancer. Two leading risk factors are previous diagnosis and a sedentary lifestyle. A study funded by the National Cancer Institute showed that this double-edged sword is applicable to the survivors of childhood cancer. Not only do these survivors face a greater risk of cancer in the future, they are also at much higher risk compared to the general population for heart disease, diabetes and obesity.
Beginning fitness training during cancer treatment may seem like a bad idea, but a growing number of oncologists are recognizing the need to develop fitness programs that work as part of the treatment team. Until these programs are in place and tailored for children, it is up to care-givers to find the right personal trainer and consult with physicians to implement a program.
Motivation is an important tool, especially for those diagnosed with mesothelioma and other low-survival cancers. Since motivational strategies vary widely, it is a good idea to seek the advice of an education specialist. The benefits of physical activity during and after treatment are real, and any effort put into establishing a routine early will contribute to the long-term survival and quality of life for the child.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Today at our clinic visit a wonderful little girl made me a gold-bead bracelet to wear throughout September. It is beautiful! I plan to wear it every single day.
So how can you help? Well, I'm glad you asked! Chili's is a huge supporter of St. Judes. They even have a wing of the hospital named after them (the Chili's Care Center). During the month of September you can visit their website to find out lots of ways to help. Create a pepper, eat at any Chili's on September 26th, or you can pass their link on to friends to help gather donations. www.createapepper.com
Of course you can always donate directly to St. Jude. https://shop.stjude.org/GiftCatalog/donation.do?cID=13342&pID=18310&source_code=CMPCHILCP11&plt=CALGENLKCHILI1000002
One other thing to keep in mind; in November we will be participating in our local Give Thanks walk. We will be raising money for St. Jude through this walk, so you can sponsor Emma and all money will go directly to St. Jude. I'll have more info on that in the future.
If you don't have a penny to spare, don't sweat it. You can spread the word about childhood cancer, and don't forget that gold ribbon!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
*Do offer specific assistance. Generic questions like, “Do you need anything?” or “What can I do to help?” are likely to be met with an assurance that everything is fine. Instead, try offering to make dinner on Tuesday, or pick up the kids after school on Friday for a play date.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Anyway, I've wanted to give for a long time, but things in Memphis are always so hectic, and when we're here at home I've always got the girls with me, so donating then is out. But Sunday I was all alone, and had the time, so I stepped up to the challenge in the LifeSouth bus at WalMart.
It hurt! They had trouble finding a vein (remember the small, rolling veins?), and they had to tie the tourniquet REALLY tight. It took many, many minutes to fill up a bag of blood. My entire arm hurt for the rest of the day.
And as I lay in bed that night thinking about it, it hit me. SHAME ON ME! How dare I complain about being stuck with a needle one time? How dare I complain about a tender arm after the needle stick? How dare I complain about this very minor discomfort?
My 5 year old gets stuck every single week. She rarely complains. She lets people stick things all over her, poke her, pull on her. And she does it every single week! Shame on me.
And then my guilt went further. How dare I complain about a headache? An inconvenience. An annoying person? These things are minor, really.
How fast I forget what really is important in life. How fast I stop being thankful for all of the GOOD things, and focus on the minor bad things.
So I am through complaining about the tiny discomfort of giving blood. It will help someone out; maybe even Emma! And do you know what? I plan to do it again :) I hope that you will join me!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I am the kid with Cancer, locked in battle to be free.
For all us kids on chemo, our lives are put on hold,
As we fight to stay alive, our chances good, we're told.
Our attitude is courage, we live this life each day,
Just waiting for tomorrow, praying cancer goes away.
Walking on the edge of life, we’re never looking down,
United here in front of you, until a cure is found.
©2007 By Lorna Mahan & Sinjin Andrukates
This week we were in Memphis, at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. I saw miniature warriors and pint-sized super heros all around. I saw kids who were happy in spite of their circumstances. I saw kids that were screaming because they were scared at what was being done to them. I saw kids throwing up because their treatments were making them sick. I saw kids walking on the edge of life.
Reading this poem and thinking about these magnificent children makes me cry. And then I smile, because I look up at my own superhero. I remember how today she did SO GOOD when she had to have x-rays done, even though she was so nervous she wanted to throw up (and knowing this is a routine occurence, that of having to do things that make her so nervous she wants to throw up). Three cheers for my superhero, and all the others, too!
Source: Child With Cancer, Cancer Poems http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/sad/poetry.asp?poem=18624#ixzz1TLCUmSN1
Family Friend Poems
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I can remember sitting in the hospital and seeing families who were obviously much further along in treatment than we were. I can remember thinking, "Oh, why can't that be us? I just want to be done with this!" And now, I see others at the very painful beginning, and I am grateful that it's not us back there. I am glad to be "further along", even though we still have 76 weeks to go!
Don't get me wrong, I still wish we were done. Just this week I screamed in my head, "Okay God. We're done now. Can we have our real life back now?" But still, I am thankful to be "further along".
Please keep the Dison family in your prayers...they desperately need them! You can keep up with their journey here.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
1. God hasn't given us the spirit of fear. He tells us this in II Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." God loves us, and has gotten us this far. He will still love us if something else goes wrong, and he will still keep us going in spite of it. He doesn't want us to live in fear--and if the Bible says that God didn't give us this fear, than that means only one person did. I decided that I will NOT give Satan that kind of power over me. I WON 'T live in fear just because the devil whispers in my ear that I better not be happy.
2. It takes a village. My family has not gotten this far alone. We have a wonderful family, and wonderful friends. We also have a wonderful church family. How could we have come this far without them? They have prayed for us time and again (and I mean this very honestly when I say this is the #1 thing I want people to do for us. God can save these children like no chemo treatment ever can). These folks have been with us through our toughest times, and I am sure in the fact that they will be here for us in the future. If you are trying to fight for your life all alone, then you need to seriously re-think your strategy.
3. Trials will come regardless. This is a key point, in my thinking. Do I really think that just because I don't let myself enjoy all the happy things in life that no more bad things will ever happen to my family? That's ridiculous! Bad things will still come--that's just part of life. So I need to enjoy the mountaintops while they're here. And I intend to (at least to try!).
So that's my two cents. I hope it helps someone : )
And now for my charity highlight. In a few weeks we will be traveling to Walt Disney World via the Make A Wish Foundation and Give Kids The World. So, I thought I'd tell you a little about them. The Make A Wish Foundation began in 1980 when a police officer made a young cancer patient's wish come true--he became a police officer for a day. The patient passed away two days later. Today they are the largest wish granting organization in the world!
Who Are They: Make A Wish Foundation
Their Mission Statement: We grant the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions to enrich the human experience with hope, strength and joy.
How To Donate: Visit their website here. There are numerous ways to help, including donating money, volunteering, or donating items. You can also adopt a wish, meaning you can sponsor a child's wish. I know of one family who's wish sponsor ran a horse farm. The child's wish was to have a horse of her own, and her wish sponsor simply donated a horse.
We will be going to Walt Disney World. When wish children visit Disney World they stay at Give Kids The World. You can learn more about them here.
Who They Are: Give Kids The World
The story of Give Kids The World begins with a little girl with a wish and the desire of one man to make that wish come true.
The little girl's name was Amy. Amy had leukemia and one wish - to visit the theme parks in Orlando. To facilitate Amy's wish, the request of a complimentary stay was made to a respected hotelier. As he had done many times before, the hotelier gladly obliged and Amy's wish was that much closer to being realized. Sadly, the remainder of Amy's travel plans took too long to arrange and her wish was never granted; Amy had passed away. Time simply ran out.
This unfulfilled wish inspired a man, the hotelier, to make a vow that no child in need would ever be failed again. That man was Henri Landwirth and his desire to ensure that Amy's story would never repeat itself is where the story of Give Kids The World begins.
Their Mission: Give Kids The World is a non-profit organization that exists only to fulfill the wishes of all children with life-threatening illnesses and their families from around the world to experience a memorable, joyful, cost-free visit to the Central Florida attractions, and to enjoy the magic of Give Kids The World Village for as long as there is a need.
How To Donate: Donations can be made by visiting their website. You can also sign up to volunteer.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
And then a terrible feeling of dread came over me. I quickly reminded myself to stop being happy. And so I was somber.
Sound strange? It is, I know, but I can't help it. I am terribly afraid of being happy because I just KNOW that as soon as I'm happy the other shoe is going to drop. I have a nagging feeling that I'm not the only one who does this. I think there are lots of cancer moms out there who dread what tomorrow will bring. Beyond that, I would wager there are lots of other people who have been through something traumatic who feel this way, too.
I remember right before Emma was diagnosed. We were blissfully happy. We had a brand new baby; we were spending lots of time together (as opposed to Micheal working all the time); we had just bought a new car. I remember even having a conversation about how happy we were. How perfect things were. Maybe God was giving us an extra dose of happiness because he knew what was coming.
Whatever the reason it made me a bit paranoid, and now when I get that feeling of happiness I am suspicious. I'm not really sure how to fix it, but I guess I should work a little harder on it. What about you? Have you ever felt that way? How did you work it out?
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
On the night of the 4th we took Emma to the glassed in porch area on the 2nd floor at St. Jude so that she could see the fireworks. We waited, along with several other patients, for about an hour. The fireworks never came! We found out the next day that the city had canceled them due to budget cuts.
This 4th, Emma ran around the yard playing with her cousins. She laughed and jumped. She helped shoot off the fireworks in our driveway. It was absolutely fantastic to be regular. And that got me to thinking about how often we take for granted the "regular" things. I am so happy for days that are fantastically regular. We are always looking for bigger and better, and overlooking all the blessings that we have staring us right in the face.
So be happy and thankful for today. It might not be here tomorrow.