And then a terrible feeling of dread came over me. I quickly reminded myself to stop being happy. And so I was somber.
Sound strange? It is, I know, but I can't help it. I am terribly afraid of being happy because I just KNOW that as soon as I'm happy the other shoe is going to drop. I have a nagging feeling that I'm not the only one who does this. I think there are lots of cancer moms out there who dread what tomorrow will bring. Beyond that, I would wager there are lots of other people who have been through something traumatic who feel this way, too.
I remember right before Emma was diagnosed. We were blissfully happy. We had a brand new baby; we were spending lots of time together (as opposed to Micheal working all the time); we had just bought a new car. I remember even having a conversation about how happy we were. How perfect things were. Maybe God was giving us an extra dose of happiness because he knew what was coming.
What she woke up to...(okay, I'm being melodramatic here, but see what I mean?) Wouldn't you be cautious?
Whatever the reason it made me a bit paranoid, and now when I get that feeling of happiness I am suspicious. I'm not really sure how to fix it, but I guess I should work a little harder on it. What about you? Have you ever felt that way? How did you work it out?