Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Worry Wart

When I was young I used to listen to my mom rant and rave about all the things she worried about. My brother. My sisters. Her brother. Her friends. Burglars. Car accidents. Nuclear disaster (okay, maybe not that last one). I swore to myself that I would never be a worry wart.

Fate laughs in my face now that I'm an adult. My fears aren't quite the same as hers were, at least that's what I tell myself. I worry about every bruise on my children's bodies. I worry about every stray fever that has no other symptoms. My youngest has been tested for cancer three separate times now, just because I couldn't stop worrying. Poor kid.

Cancer isn't all I worry about, though. The other night I watched a news report about young children being abducted from their beds while they slept. Guess who didn't get any sleep that night? That's right. Me.

So maybe I have turned into a worry wart after all. I do try to overcome it. One way I do that is through repeating comforting things to myself. Here is my favorite:

Philippians 4:6 "Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made unto God."
How do you stop your worries?

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Life After Cancer

A few years ago we were at a beach retreat for families living through pediatric cancer. Every morning the parents met in a form of "group therapy", and one of the parental sets was a mom and dad whose child had already finished treatment. The mother talked about how hard it was to readjust to normal life. I remember thinking, at the time, that I didn't understand what she meant.

I understand now. It's not so much adjusting to normal life as it is no longer having that carrot out in front of me. For so long we had one solid goal--get Emma through treatment. Now there is nothing, at least nothing so concrete. I feel a little lost without my carrot.

Crazy, isn't it, that I should feel lost without cancer breathing down my neck?

If I had to wager a guess I'd say this is pretty common for all walks of life--be it getting married, having a baby, or finishing cancer treatments. You finally accomplish your goal, and then you say, "Now what?" I'm wading my way through this crazy life, but I am not alone. I have wonderful friends and family to help me along.

Have you hit a point in your life where you felt this way? How did you get through it? Suggestions welcome :).

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Me Me Me!

I've heard it said that we live in a narcissistic society, and I am inclined to agree. No, I'm not saying everyone I know is self-absorbed. What I'm saying is that, through living in the world of pediatric cancer, I have become self-absorbed. For years there were many people who wanted to know all about Emma at all times. How is she? When does she finish? Has she been sick? It became second nature to just believe it was all about us. All the time.

Do I want to be a narcissist? Well, no. Do I want to believe it's all about me? Of course not. So I am working on it. I'm conscientiously lowering my expectations of people. I'm <trying> to speak less and listen more. I admit, I don't always succeed. But I am trying. It's a work in progress, and I'm afraid it's just a side effect of living through something "big". I have to believe that other people have dealt with this (at least that's what I tell myself to make me feel better).

But that reminds me of a song I learned in grade school. Have a listen, if you're interested, and enjoy :).