A few years ago we were at a beach retreat for families living through pediatric cancer. Every morning the parents met in a form of "group therapy", and one of the parental sets was a mom and dad whose child had already finished treatment. The mother talked about how hard it was to readjust to normal life. I remember thinking, at the time, that I didn't understand what she meant.
I understand now. It's not so much adjusting to normal life as it is no longer having that carrot out in front of me. For so long we had one solid goal--get Emma through treatment. Now there is nothing, at least nothing so concrete. I feel a little lost without my carrot.
Crazy, isn't it, that I should feel lost without cancer breathing down my neck?
If I had to wager a guess I'd say this is pretty common for all walks of life--be it getting married, having a baby, or finishing cancer treatments. You finally accomplish your goal, and then you say, "Now what?" I'm wading my way through this crazy life, but I am not alone. I have wonderful friends and family to help me along.
Have you hit a point in your life where you felt this way? How did you get through it? Suggestions welcome :).
I understand, as much as I can understand without having had this particular goal. In other realms, you might make plans for after your goal is reached. But with cancer you might not feel you can go there.
ReplyDeleteUntil now. You can go there!
I totally understand Katie. I've had the same only under different circumstances. When my younger son finally left home at 27, I wondered what I would do with myself. Well, I didn't have to wonder for long. My time has been filled with other things. But I still miss having him here. I feel like I should be caring for him still. But I'll get over it - eventually, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Mirka and Terrie! I really appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteWell I for one am happy that you don't have that carrot hanging over your head anymore! I know you're happy too but understand the feeling of "now what do I do." My husband and I have had to move a bunch of times because of his job and I get that feeling once we are all moved and settled in. Now what!!?? Don't worry, another carrot will come your way but this time I hope it's something "non-stressful!"
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of that way when your kids grow up, too. Your focus is on them for so long that it takes a while before you can figure out what comes next. Writing became the focus for me at that point.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for your 'Now what,' Katie! Now ... something amazing.
ReplyDeleteI've just finished revision on my first MG novel. My 'Now what' moment was quickly replaced by plenty of 'To-do-next.' So hopefully, it's a 'Now ... something amazing,' too.