More Life Lessons 101 with Teacher Katie: complaints

Keep your big mouth shut...have you ever heard this saying?

 

You don't go very long in the pediatric cancer world before you find someone who has it worse than you--often a lot worse. Though someone whose child has cancer has a lot worth griping about, that doesn't mean they should do it. This is something I've had to remind myself of often, because it's so easy for me to fall into the complaint mode! The fact is, we ALL have something worth griping about. Though my child doesn't have cancer anymore, she does have side effects. Sometimes she has to go to physical therapy, sometimes other therapies, and that means taking her to appointments. I have a life outside of her illness, so these appointments are inconvenient. I have to remind myself that I don't care if they are inconvenient. I want what is best for her, so I do it. Period.

You may not have a child with cancer, but surely you are busy. We all are. You have your own storms: they may be physical, mental, or emotional. We all have problems, and I'd bet we can all agree that all of them suck.

I grew up with a saying (that is likely and hopefully untrue, but still) that says, "90% of the people you tell your troubles to, don't care. The other 10% are glad you've got them." While I don't think EVERYONE is that callous, I do think there is a lesson to learn from the saying. While your problems are most important to you, my problems are most important to me. So the next time I feel like complaining, I'm going to take my own advice and keep my big mouth shut! Do you ever feel like complaining (I know the answer to that!)? How do you deal?

Coping Methods

People tell me all the time how well I cope with Emma's sickness.  I understand their comments, and their well-meaning.  But...I don't really like to be told how "well" I'm doing.  Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing well at all.  Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart!

So I decided to figure out why I come off as "coping".  I examined everything I do, and I realized that one thing that helps me work through things the most is (duh) my writing.  I am a writer.  I express myself best in the written word.  I get my negative feelings out, and then I feel better to face the world.

I don't journal, but when I'm feeling particularly strong about something I will write it down.  And then, I'm always writing other things (articles or stories, etc.).  Writing is my coping mechanism!

I think everyone needs a healthy way to cope, because while we don't all have kids with cancer, we do all have stress (especially during the holiday season!).  For some it's crafts, or exercise, or singing, or dance, or reading.  What's your coping mechanism?  If you don't have one, you should find one.  After all, if it works for me, it can work for you, too!

Who Do You Trust?

When Emma was 1 year old, one of my husband's cousins (who was 5) passed away.  She had cancer.

Shortly after this I was taking a class for work on germs/illnesses/cleanliness.  A statement was made that statistics showed that children who attended daycare had a much better chance at never getting cancer because they had built up such a strong immune system.

Whew!  I felt this huge relief!  After the pain my husband's family was going through, here was this tiny sliver of assurance that this wouldn't happen to me, because I worked at a daycare, and my daughter had come with me everyday since she was 9 weeks old.

Statistics?  I laugh in the face of statistics!  Ha!  Ha!  Ha!

Okay, as sad as that all is, the experience taught me a vital lesson.  You can't put your hope and trust in anything or anyone other than God.  Psalm 121:1&2 says "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.  My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth."

So what are you putting your hope in?  Do you take peace from reassuring statistics?  Do you hold on tight and hope things go your way? 

I've learned that even in the face of pediatric cancer things can go well.  Do I like cancer?  No.  Would I give it back in a heartbeat?  You betcha!  But I have felt God's hand on us so often, and I have a peace now that I never knew before--a peace that tells me everything will be okay, no matter what happens.

I wish for you all to find that peace (though maybe not in the same way I found mine!).  And in case it isn't clear, I mean a peace in God.

Patient of the Month

I am a very proud mama today because Emma is St. Jude's official patient of the month for November!  If you haven't seen her story/video yet, please visit www.stjude.org and scroll to the bottom right corner.  There you will see Emma's picture, and a link that says "Meet Emma". 

Watching the video and reading her story made me cry.  I really can't help it.  The day of the interview we spent the morning at the Memphis Zoo with the camera crew.  It was such fun!

I am so proud to be a part of the St. Jude family, and as I say in the video I don't believe Emma would be alive today if she had been sent to another hospital.  NO ONE else would have been able to get her diagnosed and on chemo in less than 24 hours, which  was vital to her survival.  It is because of my thankfulness to St. Jude that I was thrilled to help their cause in participating in the patient of the month interview. 

Because of the huge debt of gratitude that our family owes St. Jude, I am proud to support them in other ways as well.  That is why we are participating in the national Give Thanks.  Walk.  This walk will be held across the nation on November 19th.  We are taking donations to support our walk this year, and I hope you will donate to this very worthy cause.  You can see our fundraising page at http://www.mygivethankswalk.org/emmaclark

I am so proud of my little girl, and I can't help but ramble a little today about it.  Thanks for bumbling along with me!

Time

Time is a tricky thing.  We always think it will be there for us, but in truth, time waits for no man.

I thought I had time with Emma.  I haven't said this too often, but before Emma was diagnosed, I KNEW something was wrong with her.  Even when her doctor said it wasn't anything serious, I mean it when I say I literally KNEW that it was.  I just figured I had time, I would bring her back again and again until we got our answers.

But I didn't have time.  Cancer wasn't waiting for me to get my ducks in a row.  Her tumor didn't slow its growth until I was ready to deal with it.

I learned my lesson there, so today when we get the opportunity to do something fun with our kids, we take it.  When we get the opportunity to serve, we do it.  That opportunity might not be there tomorrow, or truthfully, we might not be here tomorrow to take it. 

I don't want any regrets...at least not where time is concerned.

What about you?  Has something happened in your life to show you that time is one of your greatest assets?

Time Is  by Henry Van Dyke

Time is
Too Slow for those who Wait,
Too Swift for those who Fear,
Too Long for those who Grieve,
Too Short for those who Rejoice;
But for those who Love,
Time is not.

We're Home!

Wow.  That is the best word that I can think of to describe our trip to "The Lighthouse".  This group of loving, caring people pampered us, catered to us, prayed with us, and played with us.  We had (in Emma's words) "the best time ever"!

Each day began at 8am with breakfast, then moved on to "Morning Watch", a daily devotion time.  After that, the kids split up into groups and the parents had a type of group therapy.  We were actually kind of leery of this part.  We didn't want to sit with a group of strangers and talk about our feelings.  Guess what?  That turned out to be our favorite part!  Being with these brave and strong parents, who were fighting the same montsters as us, helped us so much.  It was enlightening, and we found new strength and wisdom.

My favorite thing that was said was from one of the dads.  He said that we are the lucky ones.  Most parents, he said, have to teach their kids about their math homework, or their spelling homework, and they complain about that.

We get to teach our kids about LIVING!  We are showing them how to fight, how to be strong, how to cope and move on, how to be happy in spite of the bad.  We are the lucky ones.  I loved this!

Another parent said that she feels like her life is too big.  I definitely feel like that sometimes, too.  How can I handle all of these big things?  But knowing that I am not alone in this helps more than I can say.

After this we had lunch each day, and then free time (which we spent at the beach!).  In the evening we had supper, and then some type of group activity.  On the last night there was a talent show.  Emma and Ashlyn were sooooo cute!

Overall the trip was a success, and we definitely plan on attending next year.  Thank you for sharing it with us!

Lighthouse Family Retreats

Soon we will be heading to a beach in Florida for a cancer family retreat, hosted by Lighthouse Family Retreats.  We have heard great things from other families who have attended  these retreats, and we are hoping to bring back some awesome reports ourselves!  So here is this month's charity highlight.

Who: Lighthouse Family Retreats

Mission: to serve families living through childhood cancer by helping them to laugh, restore family relationships and find hope in God.

What They Do: Lighthouse Family Retreat hosts beach retreats for families affected by childhood cancer.  They endeavor to provide some momentary normalcy in the midst of the chaos. Kids just being kids: playing in the sand; laughing in the sun; and enjoy a vacation as if maybe for just a week cancer has all but disappeared.

Refer A Family: Know a family facing pediatric cancer?  Part of a family facing pediatric cancer?  You can apply for a retreat here . 

Donate: All of the retreats are run by volunteers, and on donated money.  If you would like to help further Lighthouse's mission, you can learn more about volunteering or donating here .

We will be back next week...hopefully with pictures!