A Yucky Little Monster

I wrote this poem two days after Emma was taken to Memphis.  Some of you may have read it before, but it is something that I hold dear, so I thought I would share it here!

A YUCKY LITTLE MONSTER
By: Katie Clark, for Emma Clark
In Honor of Dr. Scott Howard

A yucky little monster went floating through the air
I swallowed him by accident, quite unaware.

I didn’t see him in there, he’s a sneaky little guy,
Hiding every time I laughed and every time I cried.

Then that yucky little monster went and did what he does best.
He grew and grew and grew, getting bigger in my chest.

He made me really sick, he took away my fun,
But I will have the last laugh when the day is done!

You see, I met a superhero who knows just what to do.
Fighting little monsters is his favorite thing to do.

So we will fight the monster, and one day we will win.
Good bye little monster.  Don’t come back again!

Time

Time is a tricky thing.  We always think it will be there for us, but in truth, time waits for no man.

I thought I had time with Emma.  I haven't said this too often, but before Emma was diagnosed, I KNEW something was wrong with her.  Even when her doctor said it wasn't anything serious, I mean it when I say I literally KNEW that it was.  I just figured I had time, I would bring her back again and again until we got our answers.

But I didn't have time.  Cancer wasn't waiting for me to get my ducks in a row.  Her tumor didn't slow its growth until I was ready to deal with it.

I learned my lesson there, so today when we get the opportunity to do something fun with our kids, we take it.  When we get the opportunity to serve, we do it.  That opportunity might not be there tomorrow, or truthfully, we might not be here tomorrow to take it. 

I don't want any regrets...at least not where time is concerned.

What about you?  Has something happened in your life to show you that time is one of your greatest assets?

Time Is  by Henry Van Dyke

Time is
Too Slow for those who Wait,
Too Swift for those who Fear,
Too Long for those who Grieve,
Too Short for those who Rejoice;
But for those who Love,
Time is not.

We're Home!

Wow.  That is the best word that I can think of to describe our trip to "The Lighthouse".  This group of loving, caring people pampered us, catered to us, prayed with us, and played with us.  We had (in Emma's words) "the best time ever"!

Each day began at 8am with breakfast, then moved on to "Morning Watch", a daily devotion time.  After that, the kids split up into groups and the parents had a type of group therapy.  We were actually kind of leery of this part.  We didn't want to sit with a group of strangers and talk about our feelings.  Guess what?  That turned out to be our favorite part!  Being with these brave and strong parents, who were fighting the same montsters as us, helped us so much.  It was enlightening, and we found new strength and wisdom.

My favorite thing that was said was from one of the dads.  He said that we are the lucky ones.  Most parents, he said, have to teach their kids about their math homework, or their spelling homework, and they complain about that.

We get to teach our kids about LIVING!  We are showing them how to fight, how to be strong, how to cope and move on, how to be happy in spite of the bad.  We are the lucky ones.  I loved this!

Another parent said that she feels like her life is too big.  I definitely feel like that sometimes, too.  How can I handle all of these big things?  But knowing that I am not alone in this helps more than I can say.

After this we had lunch each day, and then free time (which we spent at the beach!).  In the evening we had supper, and then some type of group activity.  On the last night there was a talent show.  Emma and Ashlyn were sooooo cute!

Overall the trip was a success, and we definitely plan on attending next year.  Thank you for sharing it with us!

Lighthouse Family Retreats

Soon we will be heading to a beach in Florida for a cancer family retreat, hosted by Lighthouse Family Retreats.  We have heard great things from other families who have attended  these retreats, and we are hoping to bring back some awesome reports ourselves!  So here is this month's charity highlight.

Who: Lighthouse Family Retreats

Mission: to serve families living through childhood cancer by helping them to laugh, restore family relationships and find hope in God.

What They Do: Lighthouse Family Retreat hosts beach retreats for families affected by childhood cancer.  They endeavor to provide some momentary normalcy in the midst of the chaos. Kids just being kids: playing in the sand; laughing in the sun; and enjoy a vacation as if maybe for just a week cancer has all but disappeared.

Refer A Family: Know a family facing pediatric cancer?  Part of a family facing pediatric cancer?  You can apply for a retreat here . 

Donate: All of the retreats are run by volunteers, and on donated money.  If you would like to help further Lighthouse's mission, you can learn more about volunteering or donating here .

We will be back next week...hopefully with pictures!

My First Blog Award!

Last week I was thrilled to receive not one, but two blog awards! 

 

The rules of accepting these blog awards are simple:

By accepting the awards, I agree to:

1. Thank and link to the person who nominated me.

2. Share seven random facts about myself.

3. Pass the award on to 5 blogger friends.

4. Contact and congratulate the nominated blogs.

I'd like to thank Claudine, of Carry Us Off Books.  If you have small children (or if you just love books for small children, 'cause I do) you must check out her site!

Seven random facts?  Hmm...

1. I love Spaghettios with meat balls.  Gross, I know.

2. It takes a lot, lot, LOT to make me upset.  So if you ever see me upset (and this could mean mad, sad, grumpy, or irritated), you know that something, somewhere, went terribly wrong!

3. I'm a little addicted to the internet.  Not a lot...but a little.

4. I am the middle child of 5.  Do I have the middle child syndrome?  You tell me!

5. I don't like sappy romance.  Give me some adventure, or action, or ANYTHING other than sappy romance.

6. I love being a part of the St. Jude family (not that I'd chose to be a part of any hospital family, I'm just saying).  Some people ask me/tell me about how daunting going to Memphis is.  I don't feel that it's daunting at all.  I love St. Jude. (now, it was a bit daunting when we had to go every 2 weeks, I admit!)

7. Last but not least...I prefer going to bed really early and getting up really early.  I could NEVER sleep until 10 or 11 o'clock, let alone noon!

So now to pass these awards on...

Stories For Children Blog  by Alice

Grumpy Grovers by Theresa Grump

Poetic Bloomings by Marie and Walt

Haas Blaag by David Haas

Miranda Paul Books by Miranda Paul


So there they are, my first ever blog awards.  It's all in fun, and doesn't everyone need a little fun now and then?  I hope to be enjoying a lot of fun soon, as we travel to the beach for a cancer family retreat with Lighthouse Family Retreats (more on that next week!).

Thanks for visiting!

Accepting the Unacceptable

No, I can't say I am anywhere near "acceptance" of Emma's diagnosis.  Just last night I lay in bed crying because all of the sudden, this thought entered my mind--my five year old daughter has cancer.  Gulp!  What?  How did this happen?  I birthed her, and she was perfectly healthy!  My little girl does NOT have cancer!  She is not undergoing chemotherapy.  She is not a patient of St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.  She is fine, fine, fine.

However, I don't always feel this way.  Sometimes I feel like I HAVE fully accepted this new life.  Sometimes I feel okay with it, but sometimes I feel sad, or angry.  And then there are the times of denial, like right now.

If there is something I have come to realize about the emotions this journey evokes, it is that we don't EVER master our emotions.  Just as I think I finally have the anger licked, it rears its ugly head.  Just as I think I am okay with it all, I get all depressed. 

I have noticed a few things, too, about the TIMING of these emotions.  1. If I am really busy, the bad emotions come more easily. 2. If I slack off on my devotion time each morning, the bad emotions come more easily.  So I have made a determination to keep a bit more organized, so that I don't get overwhelmed with a busy life, or let my quiet time slack off.  Writing helps, too.  I can express my feelings oh so much better in writing than if I were to talk to each of you face to face.

I think it is probably this way for everyone--not just cancer families.  Life is a roller coaster ride--with fun parts and scary parts.  So when your own ride takes a scary dip, how do you deal with it?

Become A Volunteer

Ever since Emma was diagnosed, and we spent lots of time in the hospital, I have witnessed first hand the gentle and quiet care of volunteers.  I have seen the very young to the very old; male and female, all very happily giving their time to help those who are hurting.

During the last year and three months I have had a growing desire to do more, give more, be more.  This desire grew drastically when we went to Disney World.  We stayed at the Give Kids The World Village, which is run almost entirely by volunteers.  Not only that, but the entire Village was literally built with donated money.  Not one loan was taken out to build it where the money wasn't already promised to pay the loan off.

I learned that there are around 1500 volunteers a week at the Village.  We saw small children with their parents volulnteering.  We saw retirees.  We saw teenagers.  We saw entire staffs from corporations working for free to maintain the village.

My whole life I have worked on ministries through my church, but it is usually (I admit) with a tiny huff that I have to go give up a few hours of MY time.  I am commiting here and now: I don't want to be this way anymore!

I have now been at the receiving end of the help these loving folks offer, be it on vacation or at the hospital when someone pops in late at night to ask if I'd like coffee or hot chocolate.  I realize just how much it means when someone cares about me when I am hurting.  When I am going through a tough time.  When I NEED.  Through receiving, I have realized just how blessed it is to be able to be the one doing the giving.

So I want to do my work through the church a little more enthusiastically now.  And not only that, I want to increase my volunteer work.  Perhaps not much right now, since there are weeks when I am confined to my house, but a little at a time.  I also want to teach my kids the spirit of volunteering.  I told Emma the story of the man who created Give Kids The World (I bought his autobiography Gift Of Life, and it is amazing).  She was enthralled!  She said, "Hey Mom?  Do you think I can do something like that one day?  I want to help other kids who are afraid."  My heart melted.  I promised her that she could do that, and I would help her.

In light of this, I have made a list of areas that I (and you) could offer a little help to those who need it. 

1. Church work.  So often I see (and yes, I'm going to say it) church members who begrudginly do their ministries at the church.  I have been one of them.  But there are classrooms that could be cleaned, kids that could be taught, supplies that could be purchased.  Volunteer to be the person who fills these needs.

2.  Hospital work.  There are volunteers at the hospitals who bring around hospital toys to the kids so they won't be bored in their rooms.  They offer magazines or books to the parents.  Some do play groups with the kids.  You could also donate supplies.  Playdough, DVD's, books, crayons and coloring books.  Really, the list goes on.  When Emma stayed in the Huntsville Hospital a few weeks ago the movie selection was seriously lacking ; )

3. Donations.  This could be money or supplies, to any orginization you feel worthy.  Church, a charity, the hospital, or your local soup kitchen or clothes closet.  Whether you can offer $5 or $1000, trust me you gift will be appreciated!  Never think that what you have to offer is too little.  It isn't.  Obviously, my favorite charities from now til forever will be St. Jude, and now Give Kids The World (can you tell I liked it there?).  But maybe you have a heart for the March of Dimes, or something else.  And of course, your local church is a must.  See what you can do--AND DO IT!

This is a small list, and there are many more areas where help is needed.  You could drive people to their doctors appointments if they don't have cars.  You could take a meal to a grieving family.  You could volunteer at a homeless shelter.  Pick up people and bring them to church (you might be surprised at how many people would come to church if they only had a ride).  My charity doesn't have to be your charity.  Find something that YOU can do.

I have been reminded time and again lately that we weren't put here to "eat, drink, and be merry".  I don't want to live so selfishly anymore that I won't give up any of my time or money because I need it for ME.  Will you join me?